Services I Provide
The doula services I provide come in three parts- before, during and after the pregnancy loss. It is completely up to the mother how much she would like to utilize my services. A mother may decide that she just wants someone to talk to while she is in her grieving process, or she may decide the she would like to talk with me before the loss, have me there during the miscarriage itself, and then continue meeting with me afterwards throughout her grieving process- it is really a personal preference based on what the mother feels she needs. I would also like to mention here that all of these services are completely free. It is my belief that all women dealing with this life event should have the support that they need, regardless of their ability to pay. Below you can find the basic break down of the services I offer.
Before the Pregnancy Loss
This is the point in time that you first find out that something may be wrong with your pregnancy and/or baby. The shock of that news is terrible to endure and it is a scary time of decisions and lots of unknowns. You may be wrestling with questions regarding whether or not you want to wait for a natural miscarriage or go in for a D&C. You may be questioning the accuracy of this recent news. It can be very helpful to talk through these choices and fears with someone who has been in your shoes. Many mothers also find it helpful to hear what they can actually expect from a miscarriage, since this topic is not widely discussed in our culture. During this time I am available to the mother and her family via e-mail, phone or in person to be an emotional support, help them sort through their options and give them an idea of what they can expect in the coming weeks. Many mothers find life to be overwhelming during this time, so I am also available to help with light house work, providing and organizing meals and helping taking care of any older children.
During the Actual Loss of Pregnancy
The physical and emotional pain and anguish experienced during a pregnancy loss itself can be a lot to handle without the proper support. Many fathers are at a loss for what to do for the mother, and even other women who have not had a similar loss can be confused as to how they can best help the mother in need. I am available during such a time to come be with the mother, hold her hand and give her support. I can help take care of older children so the mother can freely deal with this event without the responsibility of watching after her other children. I can also bring certain supplies that most mothers do not think about needing when they are heading into this situation. As difficult as it is to think about, such things as dish gloves, a metal bowl, heating pads and heavy flow maxi pads can be very helpful during such a time.
After the Loss of Pregnancy
The end of a pregnancy is really just the beginning of entirely new process a mother has to face in her life- that of grieving the loss of her child. As small as it may have been, there was a real baby in the mother's womb- a real child that deserves to be acknowledged and mourned. During this time I am available to the mother for emotional support and help in her grieving process. I am there to listen, honor her baby, help her discover ways to deal with her pain, and give her an idea of what she can expect from her mind and body in the coming weeks. I am also available to help with older children, provide and coordinate meals, and help with light household chores.
Another key aspect of helping a mother through her recent loss is helping her family and friends understand what she is going through and how they can best be of help to her. In attempting to comfort the grieving mother many people offer the absolute worst words of consoling, not purposefully of course, but rather because they don't know the right thing to say. I can help guide those closest to the mother in appropriate responses to her pain, in turn helping the mother in her healing. Many times the father feels detached from this whole experience and tends to not grieve the loss the same way as the mother does, so it can also be helpful for him to get another perspective on the loss. All in all, discussing the loss of the pregnancy with a third party who is not in the midst of the grief can be healthy and healing for everyone invloved, including friends, grandparents and other family members.
