What to Expect During a Miscarriage
It isn't easy, but it helps to know...
Facing the loss of a pregnancy isn't easy for any mother. It is my belief, however, that the devastation of pregnancy loss is compounded by the fear of the unknown. Miscarriage is typically not something that is talked about much in our culture. Even if you find other women who have had a similar experience, they are probably not likely to sit down and give you all of the gritty details. For some reason there is almost a stigma of shame associated with such a loss in our culture and it shouldn't be that way. You have the right to honestly know what your body is about to go through and you shouldn't have to rely on the down-pat, generic answers offered by doctors and medical personnel.
So, here you go- I will spell it out for you. First of all, let me say that every woman has a different experience in miscarriage. Some liken the pain to bad menstrual cramps while others feel it is worse than full-on labor, but regardless of the degree, there is pain associated with the passing of your baby. You should be prepared for this and make sure you have the necessary support immediately available to you during your suspected time of miscarriage, especially if you have older children to care for. Most cases begin with marginal cramping that escalate into, essentially, full contractions that expel the tissue.
There will most likely come a point where you are in very dire pain, but usually this is just before the baby and placenta are actually passed. The passage of the tissue and large clots is an unmistakable feeling and you will want to be close to a bathroom when this finally happens. I recommend that you have a metal bowl and plastic gloves already in your bathroom for this event if you do not wish to flush the tissue. If you decide to retrieve the tissue you will clearly be able to tell between clots and tissue. Depending on how far along you are, the type of tissue you are looking at may not be entirely apparent, however. You should expect to pass the placenta and the amniotic sac but these two parts can be difficult to distinguish, especially if you are still in your first trimester. I recommend that you let the tissue sit for a while before you do any real investigation- this gives time for blood and clotting to sluff off of the tissue and it will be easier for you to make out the different parts. The amniotic sac is usually closely attached to the placenta and can typically be ruptured to expose an embryo or small fetus. However, depending how early you were in your pregnancy and how long before the actual miscarriage that your baby died, there may not be much to see in the amniotic sac since your body may have already begun reabsorbing the tissue.
Many woman find this process of "finding" the baby reassuring and healing, and if you wish the tissues can examined for possible causes of miscarriage or other such problems. If you would like these tests performed on the tissues you will need to place them in a plastic bag in your fridge and contact your midwife or doctor. Even if you do not want the tests performed on the tissues, it is wise to place them in a plastic bag in your fridge or freezer so that you can bury them when you are able.
After the actual passage of the tissue you will continue to have heavy menstrual-like bleeding for a few days that will eventually taper off. However, your bleeding should never surpass the amount that it would take to soak a pad in an hour- if this does happen you could be experiencing hemorrhaging and should seek medical care at your local ER. In some cases women will begin to have cramping days after the actual miscarriage, in which case there is most likely residual tissue that was not expelled with the initial miscarriage and still needs to be passed. This tissue, however small it may be, can cause great amounts of pain and discomfort. If the tissue does not pass and/or the pain does not stop within a 12-24 hour period you should seek medical attention from a midwife or doctor. If the tissue is left unexpelled it can lead to infection, so please do not ignore these symptoms.
Read Actual Pregnancy Loss Stories
The best place to learn about miscarriage is from women who have experienced it. The following is a very helpful link put together by women who have been through the pain of pregnancy loss and know it is helpful to know what to expect:
Exactly What to Expect from a Miscarriage on MotheringDotCommune
